Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
