very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
