I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
