So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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