I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
