dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
