'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
