dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
