Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize