I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think people are normalizing furries
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
