I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
