I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize