Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
