I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
