That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
