imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
