I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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