I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
