I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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