Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
