Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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