Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
