Buhtt sex?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
