you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
