How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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