I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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