i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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