All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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