Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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