the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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