Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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