You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
