Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
