I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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