Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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