Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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