Kiss
Puke
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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