Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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