she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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