you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
