What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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