I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
