The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
