I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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