I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her vagine was all disorganized.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
