So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
