so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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