it was like eating out sand paper
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
