You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
