Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize