Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
