found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
me + whiskey = a bad person
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
