hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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