oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
