Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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