You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
