I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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