My hand turned me down
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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