some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
