grandma shit on top of the toilet
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
