I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
