Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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