whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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