go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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