WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
