Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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