weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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