I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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