Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
