thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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