My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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