I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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