It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
