wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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