So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
