He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
