My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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