We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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