Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
