i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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