They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
