I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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